My Subconscious Mind
by LifeisWorthIt
Summary: I lie here in agony, while thinking of about the life I've been tortured to have. The life I hate like nothing else in this word. And yet, the thought of death, I welcome it gladly.


_Alayna_

 _In my subconscious mind, I dreamt a dream that was worthy of being remembered._

 _I dreamt I went to the depths of the seas and climbed the tallest mountains._

 _I first appeared in the dream faced down, gazing into the abyss that was the ocean. Once I opened my eyes, I was faced with an onslaught of blazing lights of colour; which then began sending jolts of pain through my body; causing slight spasms to occur._

 _I then began to register where I was, opened my mouth to scream, but no sound came out. Instinctively, I reached up to grab my throat and began to struggle from side to side, desperate to get even an inkling of air in my lungs._

 _Then the knowledge, I wasn't drowning dawned on me, and slowly I began to stop straining. With the immediate threat of drowning annihilated, I observed the scene around me. I was encircled by a baby blue sea._

 _It was mesmerising!_

 _However, I was not alone. As I took in my surroundings once more, out of my peripheral view I caught a glimpse of something moving. I quickly flicked my head around, but it was placed in slow motion, almost as if the water enclosed around me, was forbidding me to see what I was so desperately itching to catch. Was it preventing me from seeing an immediate threat?_

 _That's when the pressure began. It started as a little tingling in the pit of my stomach, then it began to make its way up to my chest, and the pressure increased substantially. I gasped and gurgled from the pain, until it was so severe I was shocked back to consciousness…_

… **.Silence**

Ear piercing silence.

I can't recall how long I've lain here.

It could be seconds, minutes, hours, but all I know is that it feels like eternity. I'm unable to feel my legs; a numb sensation spreads throughout my body, rooting me in place.

I'm barely holding onto my consciousness, when a raging pain sears through my torso. In the distance I can hear an ear crippling screech. I focus on it. Trying to find the source. Trying to figure out whether I'm alone, or if **HE'S** in here with me; when I notice my throat growing sore, and reality hits me.

The source of the screeching is me!

Suddenly, everything comes rushing back.

The fights, the abuse, being pummelled and beaten by **HIM** , until I could barely move. As if the memories are a trigger, pain rips through me with such intensity that everything goes black.

When I finally come to, an over whelming sense of sadness overcomes me and water begins to seep from the rims of my eyes, rolling down the sides of my face.

 _I promised I wouldn't do this._ I promised myself I would stay strong despite the pain; despite the over whelming urge to give up and the earth shattering thought that I knew I couldn't fight the inevitable.

Before I know it, I have tears streaming down my face. A waterfall of internal pain, and yet they only barely express what I'm feeling.

For years I've endured the pain of rejection. I've bottled up all that I feel; all my inner inhibitions.

To think that, I hadn't cried when I was seven and my pet dog ran away. I hadn't cried when I found out dad had cancer. I hadn't even cried when I came home and found the house completely empty and mother gone; but everyone has a breaking point. A point where everything terrible that has ever happened to you erupts through tears screams and self- hate. Despite all my efforts, I've finally met mine.

After everything, I've FINALLY met mine; and somewhere deep down, past the anger, hatred, and fear, is a trickle of relief.

I feel absolutely and utterly relieved!

To FINALLY be able to let loose.

To give up the front I put on of being the confident, know-it-all-girl everyone was used too.

From the moment I had entered that house, I knew I was confined to its walls. From the moment I had looked into HIS eyes, and saw such hate and malice, I knew that if I ever left, I would have so many internal scars, I wouldn't be able to heal , and as I lie here, I know that my suspicions have been confirmed.

I'm broken.

A shell of my former self.

I know that I can't be fixed; and if there is ever a possibility of redemption it's slowly slipping from grasp.

I begin trying to manoeuvre myself onto my stomach, in the hopes of having a better chance of going to receive help; but I'm attacked by another episode of immense pain and a surprising lack of energy. As I try to understand this sudden drowsiness, I feel a substance of some kind beneath my finger tips; my nose is then assaulted by a raw metallic smell. A smell I'm sadly, very accustom too.

 _ **Blood.**_

Then slowly, but surely the events which took place carefully begin merging together.


End file.
